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Literature Text
I (don’t) understand
you,
the silhouette of my neighbor’s
husband, sleeping on hot cement;
the egg that fried, sunny-side-up,
before the pool deck burned my
desert soles
drink,
collecting diamonds dropped
from the back pocket of a setting
sunrise, the moon-drunk Isis shares
your disgraced comet eyes with the
haughty Rhine
drowns,
my salient disappointments
buried in the question of the sea;
I am Dr. Frankenstein and you are
my perfect Galatea, curves becoming
granite walls
crumbling,
under the pressure of a lurking event
horizon; you are doomed to live and cursed
to die, so consumed by your empty
stoichiometry and pursuit of
illiterate nirvana
spawns,
ashen half-truths from volcanic lips,
your words are detritus and
tangerine Jell-o, burying synecdoches
and filling my clay ears until I no
longer remember
you,
the silhouette of my neighbor’s
husband, sleeping on hot cement;
the egg that fried, sunny-side-up,
before the pool deck burned my
desert soles
drink,
collecting diamonds dropped
from the back pocket of a setting
sunrise, the moon-drunk Isis shares
your disgraced comet eyes with the
haughty Rhine
drowns,
my salient disappointments
buried in the question of the sea;
I am Dr. Frankenstein and you are
my perfect Galatea, curves becoming
granite walls
crumbling,
under the pressure of a lurking event
horizon; you are doomed to live and cursed
to die, so consumed by your empty
stoichiometry and pursuit of
illiterate nirvana
spawns,
ashen half-truths from volcanic lips,
your words are detritus and
tangerine Jell-o, burying synecdoches
and filling my clay ears until I no
longer remember
6/2/09: Edited per ~jamberry-song's suggestions.
The title should be I (don't) understand, but dA's title box is stupid.
It can actually be read as the first line of the poem.
I got tired of only writing flashes...
I was actually re-reading some older poetry I'd seen on this site, and stumbled across a wonderful piece by Dave Prisk, titled quite simply that. And that was largely inspiration for this piece. So, this is dedicated to the wonderful Dave.
Go visit him.
So...first draft, suggestions?
Thank you *Azuire for featuring this as ~WickedlyLoquacious's pick of the week!
The opposite.
[link] by ~BlueSpartanOfVGC
The title should be I (don't) understand, but dA's title box is stupid.
It can actually be read as the first line of the poem.I got tired of only writing flashes...
I was actually re-reading some older poetry I'd seen on this site, and stumbled across a wonderful piece by Dave Prisk, titled quite simply that. And that was largely inspiration for this piece. So, this is dedicated to the wonderful Dave.
Go visit him.
So...first draft, suggestions?
Thank you *Azuire for featuring this as ~WickedlyLoquacious's pick of the week!
The opposite.
[link] by ~BlueSpartanOfVGC © 2009 - 2024 ColonelFitz
Comments43
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Overall
Vision
Originality Technique ImpactThe letter-like stanza form brings the feel of confiding in a lover. The way this poem is arranged, as if a delicious and well-organized delicacy, an expensive dessert, associated in the mind of the reader with elegance, genteel and appropriate-manners. There is something very legitimate in the way the structure and form complement the subject and imagery.
The first stanza opens with a luscious imagery, simply put yet with deliberate words and carefully chosen metaphor. Representing both the speaker and the subject with ease and swiftness, intriguing the reader straight on with the first couple of lines. A beautiful stanza.
The imagery on the second stanza breaks a bit of the fantastic with some metaphors not necessary familiar to the general reader, at the same time it adds exotic feel and a mix of various worlds into one poem. The third stanza pours in even more worlds, now breaking the borders of "reality" and pushing literature references and even a little "aggressive", or more direct, speech with a straight-forward mention of her features.
The fourth stanza reminds the reader of the subject's place in the grand scheme of things, breaking the enthusiasm built by the previous couple of stanzas and prepares the reader for the ill-natured last stanza, which is the most aggressive and broken in the entire poem. Replacing somewhat delicate words with a more in-your-face approach.
The entire poem is built of stages, taking the reader one step ahead to the original point, portrayed in the first lines, and then further deeper into the personal world of the speaker. There's a strange taste of contradiction left in the mouth of the reader as the poem ends, the feel as if things are raw and unrecognizable. This poem creates a confusion, and does so well, while waking the feelings and the entire world of imagery and general knowledge. Beautifully written, excellent read – this poem is a masterpiece.